FORTY

Last Moment of Glory

It takes one shot of courage to take the step forward

And two shots of courage to bid adieu

I made up my mind to move on. They say the grass is greener on the other side. You never know unless you make a trip to the other side. I decided to be courageous and take the step forward. I figured it’s time I venture into the path ahead.

I saw the meaning of life through five perspectives. There is so much I learnt – priceless life lessons.

I left nothing behind except words and creations from my heart. They signed my gift and made it perfect. The gift is my strength to pursue my dream. I will carry with me as an encouragement to strive to greater heights.

How far can this bond stretch? I don’t know how long the level of intensity can last. Someone new has come. She will relive my reality. Maybe my presence will be replaced. Perhaps their memory of me will diminish. To them, I am like the expired air that belonged to yesterday. Tomorrow holds their laughter and chances to build a stronger bond. But me, no longer belong to their tomorrow.

It is terrible to walk alone. I chose this path. I live it.

My rusty armour shone in my last moment of glory.

Till then.

THIRTY-NINE
In Loving Memory

“= Childhood Dishes =
I remember vividly the dishes that accompanied me through my early childhood years. The laksa, spring roll, pig organs soup, roasted duck, muah chee etc. Those were the food that knitted the 3 generations together. It is very much like a sack that secures rice. So what will happen when the sack is torn?”

- Extracted from Chapter Twenty dated 17 October 2008

The worst has come to light. The truth that has been hiding, surfaced. Reality never gives a second chance, doesn’t it?

Saturdays will never be the same anymore. I knew this day would come but I chose let self-delusion devour me. How does it feel to lose someone close to your heart? How does it feel to not be able to touch those warm hands again? Empty. I was left with a horrible feeling of emptiness. It was as though a piece of my life was isolated.

What if I refuse to let reality take her away from me? Deep down, I know I can’t be selfish. I need to let her go. I need to return her to freedom. At that moment, time came to a standstill.11.38am. It marked the end of her journey, peacefully. No, she was not defeated. To me, she is a victor. Her courage to fight the battle has made her one.

A wave of nostalgia overwhelmed me - the taste of childhood, the words of wisdom and the touch of affection. Those were the fragments of memories left behind. It was not easy embracing the loss. The emotional pain has left a mark in my heart. The mark is where she will live, forever.

On a lighter side, it was a reunion for her and granddad. For nine years apart, they were finally together again. For nine years, she struggled on. At times, I wondered where she drew her strength from. Nonetheless, she did it.

Ah mah, I love you.

"The sack has torn. Who will save all the falling rice?"

Till then.